What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 04:26
I have no regrets .
I never cut or harmed myself..
But it wasn’t much.
How has your life changed since starting college?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Would this be the day?
Was to survive, this bastard.
The Moon is Covered in Tiny Orange Glass Beads. Now We Know Why. - Universe Today
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Do you usually wear your panties over or under your pantyhose?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
What's the most sordid activity you've ever seen or heard about at a bachelorette party?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why am I so unproductive when it's a holiday the next day?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The only rule us 5 kids had .
When she asked me how she looked .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Is it true that in 2028 there will be a new AIDS variant that will wipe out all the LBGTQ+ people?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What do all Indian parents have in common?
But ive been too sick for many years..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Bacteria living in your gut may cause depression, not your brain, says a new study - Earth.com
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I don,t even have a pension.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My family never makes their pension either.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
What did i know ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I write beautiful poetry .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im still living with it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I waited trembling.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was in good health!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So, i spoilt her more .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She loved him until the end.
We all went to grammer schools
And i lived it daily.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I will be 64.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So whats the point in blame.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
It was going to be , some day.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I think the readers, may guess!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Ive learnt so much.
I was 9 years of age.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My life is so biszare .
He knew the spot.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Put me off passion for life!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I said to her
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was scared of men, in general
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She wouldn,t have been !
(And it was in our own minds.)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But, we were locked up after school.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She married twice! .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was very sick at this time too.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot live in the past .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
This is soul school!.
All the time i was locked up.
She found it foreign!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Comes on , in middle age.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Who then, do I blame.?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We were not on the streets..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was seconnd youngest,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.